Write a TV news spot about a jittery
spider monkey who wins the lottery.
Dana Lee wrote:
This just in from Djibouti, Africa! Franklin the spider monkey
won the lottery jackpot of $134,431,354.99. Live from Djibouti with Franklin is
our own Sally McSmittenson.
Sally: Hello Franklin, how are you today?
Franklin: goo faa goo toaf.
Sally: I see, and what will you do with your earnings?
Franklin: faa feaa geaas geaat
Sally: I see. Well you are obviously busy so back to you in the
studio!
Pope Jon wrote:
"Up next, we have
a unique little story out of Winchestertonfieldville, Iowa, where something big
has happened to someone little, and it has them hooping and hollering. Over to
our reporter on the scene, Brock Johnson. Brock?" Lisa Lyn Baxter smiled
that T.V. anchor smile, pleasant but empty, and waits awkwardly for the camera
to switch over.
After the obligatory
pause, Brock seems to activate suddenly with his story.
"Thanks,
Lisa," he says with a curt nod of his perfectly sculpted hair, "Here
in Winchestertonfieldville, the small towns inhabitants are going ape-crazy
over what's happened at the local corner store." B-Roll of the town's
storefronts, traffic, and citizens shot from the neck down plays as Brock forces
his way through more puns. "A local man, by the name of Barnabas Barnacle,
has won Iowa Lottery's 'Hot Lotto Sizzler,' a prize of over 3.7 million
dollars. But he's not alone. Someone else is trying to monkey their way into
his money, by 'apeeling' for half."
Margary Whitaker is
shown as she begins her interview, "My little Samson deserves the money
just as much as Ol' Barny Barn." Samson picks at Margary's curly hair as
she explains her side of the story, "Years ago he took a likin' to lotto
tickets, and uses his own allowance to buy one every Sunday after church."
Margary is muted while
Brock voices over, "But some of the other citizens are saying, 'You must
be bananas!'"
Barnabas Barnicle is
shown, his face beet red, "Just ain't right. No monkey should have my
money. He's be happier pickin' flees than pickin' up my money!"
The shot returns to
Brock, now with Samson sitting uneasily on his shoulder. Both seem
uncomfortable with the arrangement, but Brock, ever the professional, forces
out his final pun to wrap up the story, "As of right now the Iowa Lottery
has not reached a decisive decision as to-"
Samson suddenly
screeches directly into Brock's ear, effectively cutting him off. Brock dons an
embarrassed smile and attempts to continue, but is cut off again. He soon gets
into a screaming match with Samson, and Lisa Lyn is forced to take over.
The feed of Brock cut
off, Lisa attempts to regain the studio's honor.
"Well, looks like Brock's busy monkeying around. When we return, an update on Kim Kardashian's latest shenanigans."
"Well, looks like Brock's busy monkeying around. When we return, an update on Kim Kardashian's latest shenanigans."
Melody Joy wrote:
“In other news, a spider monkey just won the lottery in Lima,
Ohio. Apparently the owner, Mitchell Owens, takes his spider monkey to the
convenience store with him every Saturday night to allow the little guy to play
the lottery. He claims that the monkey, who is 7 years old and goes by the name
of Bradley, has nervous breakdowns if he doesn’t make their weekly trip. So,
Owens has been allowing Bradley to pick his own numbers in the Power Ball every
week for the last 3 years, and as the Power Ball climbed to a record-breaking
high this past week, this little spider monkey just got lucky. According to Owens,
Bradley has plans on purchasing a new home for both of them with the winnings,
as well as donating much of it to help spider monkey rescues across the globe.”
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