Chuck C. wrote:
I would like to offer a letter of petition in favor of mandating full, lumberjack beards. There are many advantages, many benefits to said mandate. Beards offer protection from the elements in the harsh winters. It has been scientifically proven that woman like men with beards better than men without (even if some many deny this), thus it is good for the perpetuation of the species. It will also lead to an overall re-invigoration of manliness in a continually sissified culture. Mandating beards on all men will, in my not-so-humble opinion, return America to its former greatness. So please, on behalf of the host of great-bearded Americans, institute this mandate. Bring our great country back to its former glory.
Melody Joy wrote:
I’m going to have to go with the full beard. My dad has sported one for as long as I can remember and my brother has also sported one. Admittedly, I prefer kissing a clean-shaven face, but.... full beards.
To Whom it May Concern,
It has been brought to my attention that there are an increased number of incidences of men not stepping up and being as extraordinarily manly as they should be in America today. I believe this has a direct correlation with the fact that many men today have the same amount of facial hair as women. Another growing problem in our society is that many men are not as trust-worthy as they have in the past, particularly among politicians.
As a remedy for both of these problems, I recommend issuing forth a mandate that all men must sport a full beard. This way, when a man looks in the mirror and sees that thick forest of hair that is covering the lower half of his face, he will know that he is a man. Just looking at his beard will cause a surge in testosterone which will in turn enable him to conquer any problem he may be facing.
The chart that I have included clearly displays that people with beards are inexplicably and indisputably more trustworthy than those without. If all men sported full beards, they would also all be trustworthy. This would create a more honest political and economical system which will get America back onto the top of its game.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Citizen
Photo complements of: http://file.scirp.org/Html/2-6901043_44185.htm
Dana Lee wrote:
Dear Government,
It is possible that you have more important things to do than deal with psychopaths like myself. However, I have a petition that I feel is important to be pushed through to congress. I firmly believe that all men should be required to wear a beard. It is eloquent. Other countries will be more intimidated by our men if we have them do so. Statistics show that men with beards are simply more appealing. This will also help to convince other countries to follow our commands. With this simple change, we could finally take over the world!
Thank you for your time.
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